Lately

Last week in class, we were asked to do a project where we identify 10 things that describe us as individuals. To my surprise, I couldn’t think of 10 things right off the bat. And of the 10 things I finally listed, I felt ashamed of. Instead of being proud of who I am, I felt ashamed? This was new to me because I’ve never thought that I was ashamed of who I was. I just feel as if these things I listed were negative things and demonstrated weakness. How can I be a good respiratory care practitioner if I can’t be strong for my patients? It only made me realize how much I wanted to improve myself and how little I really knew about myself as well. I think a lot of what I listed was influenced with how I’ve been feeling lately.

Life has certainly given me a rude awakening. These past couple of months have been draining. haha Let me start off by saying that a lot of the decisions I have made these past couple of months I may regret at times, but I know deep down have been for my own best interest. School was probably the best decision I’ve made so far. It’s been a rocky road and is still continuing to have it’s struggles, however I’m proud to be in this program and I only hope to be successful and see it through.

My financial situation because of school has been very difficult. My hours at work have been adjusted to better accomodate school. I’m limited to doing “fun” things now and it’s hard when everyone is out enjoying their summer while I’m studying. haha But none the less, I have to remember to only look forward to the day I’m done and I’m settled in my career and financially stable again.

But the biggest adjustment so far has been moving out and discovering my independence again. It’s hard coming out of my situation and having to readjust my life style and to a new environment. With this big adjustment came unfamiliar waters such as new and old emotions arising, losing friends, discovering the unpleasant side of things, new friendships, losing Sonic, and in the midst of it all, still trying to remain focused on school. At times I felt extremely overwhelmed (i.e. last week), but I have amazing friends and a loving family that is pushing me through it all. Without this support system, I think I would have completely lost it. haha I can’t express how truly grateful I am.

Life has never been easy and won’t always be good to me, but I know that it won’t always be this way. I look forward to the day that things turn around and where I look back and laugh about how ridiculous I was. I haven’t felt this sad in a while, but at the same time, I’ve never felt so enlightened. I’m still in the process of finding my independence and it’s taking me a while, but I know I will get there soon.